Log in

No account? Create an account
26 December 2012 @ 07:40 pm
15 December 2012 @ 10:54 pm
im going to stay away from that guy i like. today i found out he made out with some random girl a few months ago, i guess, and now she has a boyfriend or whatever but still, the fact that he (eventually got drunk?? and) did that sucks and i cant stop thinking about them kissing. /fml
about my other guy friends: i just realized that i dont need them. i dont feel like we have a real "connection"? i guess. i mean, they are all nice... in their own special ways, but i just dont really need and want them as my friends. id rather be alone or just with other girls. 
the other thing is, i need to work on my social skills. i improved a lot haha but i still need to go out more and fIND MY ONE TRUE LOVE!!! but no, seriously.... i need a boyfriend.
i probably dont have one because i look like shit and also my personality sucks and i am not funny, although i try to be... which doesnt go really well. anyways, i should go to parties and get drunk and make out with random strangers to feel better about myself
19 November 2012 @ 09:37 pm

Why is being a loner characterised as a ‘social disorder’? It makes me never want to speak to anyone again. It makes me annoyed to be labelled as ‘antisocial’/ socially anxious. I am in fact very comfortable in social situations, I just have a truthful and realistic view of the meaning of friendship and relationship-That you cannot get on ‘really well’ with everyone, you cannot even really ‘like’ everyone (though most people pretend to). In reality, each individual probably finds they don’t have a real ‘connection’/ chemistry with no more than 5 real people at any one time in their lives.

I feel like if you don’t get on really well with someone, there is little point in spending time socialising with them. Most events are full of people talking about nothing and this makes me feel even worse than staying at home, alone. Or perhaps I am just jealous of the people talking about nothing and cant step out of this godforesaken bubble that makes me want to never go out again.

Some people need time alone to process thoughts/ events and some people don’t. I will probably always be this way. Every boyfriend I have ever had has been a loner. I wish people wouldn’t make introversion into a personality flaw.

” — Marina and the Diamonds

15 October 2012 @ 10:21 am
okay, so this is what happened last week and aBOUT A MINUTE AGO:

last week, it was the last week before our autumn hollidays started, i REALLY wanted to talk to him alone before, since break would mean two weeks without seeing him....
so, i think it was on tuesday, when he and i hugged. for a long, long, long, really long time. 
while we were hugging i kind of felt that he didn't want to let go and me neither of course so i didn't. he said: this is nice. don't let go yet.
and we stayed like that. hugging. wow am i the only one who thinks this sounds kind of perverted???
finally, it was me who freed myself from the embrace, but only because our friend was staring at us. 
but that's it. basically. 
i mean, we DID talk but never alone and we are hugging now everytime we see each other but nothing more happened. i wanted to ask him what he would be doing during break but i guess i missed the chance.

on friday, i did not see him at all.
the whole day i was freaking out because of how stupid i am and why i haven't asked him if he wants to hang out in hollidays.
i was kind of sad and at night, about 11o'clock, my friend convinced me to text him.
which i did. i basically wrote: "sleepless, i am thinking about us not seeing each other one last time before break started...."

and i did not get a reply on friday.
i did not get a reply on saturday
and i did not get a reply on sunday.

today, it's monday, AND HE FINALLY FUCKING TEXTED ME BACK. i just looked at my phone and KLAFJDLKSJFSLKFJSL oh god he actually asked me if i'd like to hang out with him next week hOW GREAT IS THAT?!???

i have not messaged him back, yet. i probably will at 8o'clock.
that's what you get for replying me so late. HAHAHAHAHAHA /evil laugh

Current Music: we will be remembered - taylor swift

first, in english class, after calling me honey and all that two days ago on facebook when he messaged me (!!!!), he was sitting on the table and talking to his friend.
when he saw me i said "Hi" and smiled at him. he said Hi back and spread his arms and i went to hIM AND WE HUGGED!! for the frist time!! and he made me compliments and called me his honey again and his friend was like, what the fuck is going on, and i was really reALLY REALLY suprised.

second thing that happened, was, that when class was over i was walking to the other building since i have my next lesson there. and while i was walking i passed the window of the classroom we've been in toghether before and he was still in there. when he saw me he smiled and i smiled back, but continued walking. 
then, he opened the window and literally shouted my name and told me to come back. so i went to him and he hELD HIS HANDS OUT THE WINDOW AND WANTED ME TO PUT MINE INTO HIS ... !! which i did. AKLFDSJLFDKJ THAT MEANS WE WERE BASICALLY HOLDING HANDS!! and then he told me he wanted me to come back becase he wanted to tell me goodbye. he gave me something i forgot and said that he'll miss me. #ican't

third thing, later he and i talked again and IT. WAS. AWESOME.

you see, i am actually progressing. god, life is so good.
Tags: ,
Current Mood: hyperhyper
Current Music: Christina Agulera - Your Body
29 September 2012 @ 12:47 pm
it's saturday.
i don't expect him to say something about his "birthday-issue" anymore.
it's been kind of weird lately.

on wednesday, he ignored me.
normally, everytime when he sees me he's basically shouting my name or smiling at me or talks to me or just says hi. he did none of those things that day which annoyed me so i ignored him back NO I AM NOT BEING CHILDISH

on tuesday, he smiled at me. that was it. well at least he acknowledged my existence
i don't know if i did something or if he was just having a bad day.

anyways, yesterday, on friday, he finally talked to me if you can call that talking...
i was standing in our school lounge and telling one of my classmates a story (i don't remember what it was about but that's not important anyways).
HE was apparently standing behind me and talking to some of his friends when he suddenly walked up to me and (OKAY THIS SOUNDS REALLY STUPID BUT...) poked me.
i was just staring at him. i mean he interrupted me since i was talking to my friend and i was curious what this poking (oh god this sounds so weird...) was about
and he literally said "Hiiiiiiiii." with a huge grin,
I responded "Hiii..?", smiling.
then he said "Hiiiiii" again and i responded Hiiii back and that went on for another 3 times which was kind of starting to become awkward because i had no idea what was going on and i had that feeling he wanted me to hug him......
which i didn't because the whole time my classmate was looking at us (fact: that's actually the second time i didn't hug him when i had the chance to).
then, silence.
we were still just smiling at each other and it was getting more awkward and well, i decided to continue telling the story and he stayed for a while.

so yeah, that was my highlight of the week, i guess. i don't really understand what's going on with this guy and if he's worth all the thinking and confusion. i'll just have to wait and see what happens next.
Tags: ,
25 September 2012 @ 03:55 pm
today is tuesday.

remember when i told you about this guy i like in my last post? and how he said he wanted to give me a present on monday? (no)

and how he gave me my present? oh, right, you don't... because i didn't get anything.
 or you just haven't read my post but i just assume you all love to hear about my exciting life

yesterday, on monday,
i did not see him at all, since we don't have any classes together on mondays and i didn't see him in break either.
but when i went to facebook and talked to one of my friends, he suddenly messaged me. he never did that before so i was quite excited.
but we didn't really talk... i only asked him questions about that test we we wrote today and he asked me about the things he didn't know as well. what a loveley conversation, right?

we had english together. he did NOT give me a present or said anything about not congratulating me for my birthday and i was kind of too scared to ask him why he didn't
but everything was... normal, i guess. i mean, he was really sweet and talking to me a lot and all but still, ... i was dissapointed.
why didn't i just ask him about the present ?!?! fuck that shit
we had ethics education and wrote our test. and even though i was sitting on the opposite side of the class, he looked at me several times..

i don't know how to feel about him. he seems like a moron but on the other hand, he is so nice..
Current Mood: frustratedfrustrated
21 September 2012 @ 03:57 pm
okay so today is my birthday and i am currently waiting for my friends to show up. we are making some sort of dvd evening and i am really looking forward to it.
my presents so far, were chocolate, a kindle e-book reader, money and a bracelet. i am really happy.
and remember that guy i told you about? (what guy?)
well, two weeks ago he gave me his number and we are talking really often lately. not on the phone though, since he lost it last week fuck that shit.
today, he didn't wish me a happy birthday. i was kind of sad about that and when we were walking home together i asked him why (i know you normally don't do that but i just had to okay). and he was all; oh it's your birthday?? i didn't know that. 
yeah, right.
but then he told me hes going to write something special on my facebook wall (and made fun of how much more personal that'll be). and then he told me he's going to get me something and give it to me on monday. i wonder if he was serious and WHY THE FUCK DIDN'T HE JUST HUG ME AND ALL?!
anyways, i am really looking forward to my presents :)
Current Mood: amusedamused
01 September 2012 @ 08:54 pm
i like this guy.
but i dont know if he likes me back.. he is always comming to me and talking to me and stuff and i wonder if he just wants to be friends or more...
Current Mood: sadsad
Current Music: dbsk - why have i fallen in love with you
28 August 2012 @ 08:06 pm
well, hello there to you people.

today was a really nice day. first two lessons were english, which was good, just as usual and french was okay, too. after that i had ethic.
last week i changed courses because i didn't like the people which were in my class and the teacher wasn't as nice as my new one, either. 
anyways, i was participating a lot today and i think i made a good first impression on her. my plan kind of worked: i wanted her to think she gained a super cool and super intelligent new student, haha. it was such a fun lessons and there are also those two guys which i think i might have a crush.. let's see what happens! :)
PE was fine. i mean, i couldn't participate since i am still sick (cough) BUT today it turned out that there's going to be a new PE class with my favourite PE teacher!! so i went to my current PE teacher and told him i'd like to switch courses! i hope everything will be fine.
Current Mood: bouncybouncy
Current Music: alanis morissette - guardian